Another one everyone was probably expecting. The British public transport network is a bit of a train crash really (yeah, that pun was absolutely intended) I think you’d struggle to find a fully functioning human being that would say they love the United Kingdoms aged and deteriorating public transport network from it’s over crowded and stuffy trains systems to the cold and rusted busses that you see pootling around every city centre in the country. But what is it that really makes my, and many other peoples, blood really boil. Is it that no matter where you’re going, at whatever time of day or night, you always end up at your destination at least a few minutes late? And that’s a best case scenario. I recently had a train journey that took me an hour longer than it should have done because 1. The first train got me to the connecting station after my connecting train and 2. After catching the next connecting train it ended up stuck at entrance to some centuries old tunnel under a hill because of ‘signals problems’ (now I’ve never known what a signal actually is but after some arduous research I can tell you that it’s practically a traffic light, almost every train journey I undertake is delayed because of fucking traffic lights breaking?!)
I feel for bus drivers slightly more, they have to deal with the idiocy and hazards created by the British road user. They’re allowed to be a bit late if some twat in a Ford Galaxy decided to mount the curb and take out the Polski Food Delhi’s shop front sending jars of pickled cabbage in every direction. But hey, everyone’s late sometimes, that’s the way of the world. Maybe public transport is so terrible because of the way in which we are, well, transported. Did you know that livestock and cattle are required by EU law to have more space when being transported per animal than humans? That’s right, your next Big Mac was lounging about in a spacious mansion on it’s journey to the slaughterhouse whilst you were cramped in a sweaty little carriage on your last journey to Bluewater. You know as well that the smells and sounds in that cattle carriage were more pleasant than the ones you experience as well don’t you. I’d take the mooing of a fat meat cow or the oinking of a walking sausage farm over the laughter and hacking cough of a 50 something chain smoker or the tinny thump of a prepubescent girls ‘Choonz tht remind me of Tim <3’ playlist emanating from her headphones.
Which brings me onto the real reason public transport is just so very very terrible… people. When using public transport you’re forced into the very strange and surreal scenario of sharing personal space with individuals you would normally never cross paths with. Very rarely this can lead to you conversing with a thoroughly interesting and likeable individual, like the time two Christmas’ ago when I was travelling home from uni and ended up sat next to a lad that introduced himself to me and turned out to be an archaeology student from Oxford who had travelled around the world and dug up some very cool shit. More often than not however you end up sat with an intolerable individual who insists on eating smelly rice with his bare hands, watches Sex and the City with the volume on SUPER LOUD, stinks of rotten ham and many many more. I Googled ‘public transport funny pictures’ and these jokers came up as prime examples:
I rest my case.